Diary of Leasie

“For what it is worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

– Eric Roth, Film Director

 

2010

Dec 7, 2010 – The Start of Something Great

I am tired from a hard day’s work as a Physiotherapy Aide and all that comes to my mind is…I am happy to make a difference in people’s lives. 

I wake up each morning knowing there are people who need my help. I ask God to help me get through a good day of work. I would not spend my time anyway else.

2011

Nov 1, 2011 – Life lesson #101

My work day began with a deep emotion. I was with a patient; a lovely lady with dementia in her 90’s who had remained unwed. She was going through her books like usual, this time it was her notebook.

In her notebook, she had pasted all of the obituaries of the people she had known all her life, as a memory. She introduced me to them as she flipped the pages. She was very compliant and accepted life for what is it. She told me she lived a good life, and she was happy. She knew she couldn’t change back time and re-visit her family. I started to cry. Holding back my tears as much as I could, I felt like crying a river.

Dec 7, 2011 – The End of Something Great

I met a new patient today, the nicest gentleman. He was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease a year ago. Very slim, fit build, in his 70’s who enjoyed physical activity. No matter how hard he tried to move, he could only move slowly. I could tell by his eyes, that he had wanted to walk at a fast pace, but his muscles would not allow him.

Final Call:

I came home from work and went straight to bed. I could not lift my body up or head off the pillow. Not a single bout of motivation to eat or use the washroom. I lost control of my mind and body, left paralyzed. 

What triggered this? 

After seeing a picture of my patient in the Caribbean a year ago, living a healthy lifestyle and was fit for a 70 year old, I was surprised to see how fast life can change. The following day, I felt a huge discomfort at work and resigned. (Officially in Feb)

*Side note* The most happiest and saddest work days were exactly 1 year apart! 

Feb 15, 2012

Life got too comfortable. I want to start something new, all over again…a fresh start. Like a teenager meeting the reality of life and experience many things for the first time. How exciting? I feel I must push the boundaries to live the life I chose. I want to be challenged to see how far I can go. Fear and failure do not exist in my mind. Every experience is a positive one.

March 14, 2012

When your fears are defeated by your strengths, when you awake to who you really are, acknowledge what you are really capable of, when you claim the courage and resilience that are your nature, then you will calmly experience how good it is to be in this world. 

April 2, 2012

“ How we spend our day is, of course, how we spend our lives. A schedule defends from chaos and whim. It is a net for catching days. It is a scaffolding on which a worker can stand and labour with both hands at sections at a time.

A schedule is a mock-up of reason and order -  willed, faked, and so brought into beings; it is a peace and a haven set into the wreck of time; it is a lifeboat on which you find yourself, decades later, still living.” – Annie Dillard

April 10, 2012

Flux :

The natural state. Our moods change. Our lives change. Our bearings change. The song changes. The air changes. The temperature of the shower changes.  

 

April 29, 2012

Why am I leaving for a year??

I want to prove to myself and others that all we need is what we already have…love. Fear is an option that only exists in our minds; we create it and it limits our potential.

We adapt. Change is constant. We need to grow and evolve. We are growing older whether we like it or not. Use your time wisely. The only fear I hold is not living the life I chose.

When I booked my flight, my emotions were very strong. I felt disconnected from life due to working with people in their final stage of their own life. Now, I am connected to life again, I don't want to depart for a year.

May 5, 2012

Live with no regret. Life is not a dress rehearsal.

I must remind myself each morning or evening, live 100%. Don’t leave or put off anything for tomorrow. Live for the moment!